There’s a lot of talk in the style, fashion, clothing realms about flattering.

Find and wear clothes that flatter you. Don’t wear anything that doesn’t flatter you.

But what does flattering mean?

To a lot of people, flattering means pieces that make them look thinner, taller, more like an hourglass.

This is especially interesting because if you look at historic clothing trends at all, you can see that different features, sizes, and shapes were emphasized across generations. Opinions about was flattering, and what should be flattered, changed.

That’s because it’s just that: opinion. It is subjective, not objective.

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A question I’ve been asked many times, many ways is “how would you dress to flatter x body type?”

I do not have an answer because there isn’t just one answer.

Sure, there are visual illusions, proportions and silhouettes I can suggest to emphasize one feature, deemphasize another, and create different shapes. I am more than happy to share those answers.

But if you had two people with the same body type, or even the same body, they might dress themselves completely differently because they have different feelings about how their body looks as it is and how they want it to look.

Some women love to show off their cleavage, while others always hide it. Some people prefer to broaden their shoulders, while others minimize them. Every feature has a sliding scale, and all aspects of that spectrum are beautiful and deserve to be celebrated as they are, and, yes, flattered.

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So to me, something is flattering if it makes you feel good about your body and your features. And not just about how you look, but how you feel. It’s great if a shirt looks amazing, but if it’s uncomfortable or you don’t like that look, it’s not flattering (so don’t buy or keep it).

This is also not something determined by other people. It is nice to have your feeling emphasized, to receive confirmation that the dress you love looks as good to other people as it does to you. However, if you love that mini skirt because you love how your legs look, but someone else doesn’t think your legs look “good,”, that is a them problem.

It’s also totally acceptable for you to love pieces that do totally different things to your body. You might love a tight top because it shows off your figure, and a blousy one because it only alludes to it. The long wide-leg pants might make you look tall, and the skinny jeans show off your butt. Different pieces in different combinations on different days for different moods.

I used to only feel flattered by clothes that were skin tight and, for the most part, really short. I still enjoy those elements sometime, but now I find a wider variety of shapes flattering. It’s freeing to feel comfortable in different kinds of clothes, rather than stuck with one style (that actually doesn’t really help you feel better about yourself).

Two dresses. One long, loose and floaty. The other shorter and skimming. Different styles and fits, both make me feel amazing.

Two tops with pants. One top is tight and shows off my shoulders, arms, and petite figure, with loose pants. The other is very blousy and shows nothing, is belted to emphasize my waist, contrasted against tailored pants. Different styles and fits, both make me feel amazing.

Two skirts. One is knee-length, has a lot of material, and is belted with a slouchy sweater. The other is more fitted and shorter (still belted), with a thin shirt. (It’s a short skirt and a long jacket!) Different styles and fits, both make me feel amazing.

Two outfits. One is all neutral colors (black, white, ecru). The other is all vibrant (yellow, blue, red, and rainbow). Totally different color schemes, both make me feel amazing.